


Ron Chee Investigations: Book 3, The Pod People

by RonChee



Series: Ron Chee Investigations [3]
Category: Ron Chee - Fandom, Ron Chee Detective Agency, Ron Chee Investigations
Genre: Bestiality, Detectives, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Genderbending, Genderswap, Goblins, M/M, Multi, Mystery, Ogres, Other, Rape/Non-con Elements, Ron Chee, Smut, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Video Game Mechanics, Weird Biology, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-06-25 07:16:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15635856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonChee/pseuds/RonChee
Summary: Ron Chee of Ron Chee Investigations here, things didn't go so well last time, I blame the fishing industry myself.Even a professional like me admits he needs help sometimes, why couldn't it have been someone more useful than an ex-drug dealer though?Join us as we quest forth in virtual reality to rescue another damsel in distress, and likely die trying, but it's okay, it's just a game, right?





	1. Chapter 1

“It was a nightmare, all of them were dead, and here they were butchering them and in my drugged state- those painkillers did a number on me, I though the best thing to do was to get some fish to go.” I finished the story. 

My old smoking pal Ronnie (no relation to me, Ron Chee) was nodding along, before saying “This is some killer bud if it’s giving you hallucinations like that.”

“Nono, it all happened, I may have changed some of the details to protect the guilty, but it’s true.” I also never quite admitted to anything, implying I thought the best thing to do was to get some fish to go was a far cry to coming out and admitting I had the body parts of a mermaid, though somehow I doubted the cops would know what they were looking at even if they did go through my freezer. 

It was delicious. 

Besides, if you couldn’t trust your ex-dealer, I didn’t want to live in this world. 

“I don’t know, mermaids man, that’s out there... Maybe if you showed me your supposedly supernatural saber...” 

“I’m not showing you my penis Ronnie, hand to god it’s true though.”

“You’re an atheist Ron, I don’t know if saying hand to god helps any.”

“Fine, want some fish for dinner?” The phone chose that moment to ring. 

Putting on a dejected air, I answered with “Ron Chee of Ron Chee Investigations here- No I’m not an escort service, stop asking.”

“Uh? I’m calling about a case...”

Oh, oops. “Sorry about that, you know prank callers, did you say a case?” I hadn’t taken a case since that mermaid disaster- getting back my mangled milk-bone aside- and could use the cash, pretty badly since we just smoked the last I had. 

***

“For the last time, no you can’t come with me, it’s a case not a ballet recital for fuck’s sake”

“Oh come on, I’ll do it, you know, pro-boner, if half what you’ve told me is true you need all the help you can get.” The less cool and decidedly more annoying Ron said. I'm starting to see why book writers go with naming their characters different things, I swear if I’m telling this someday I’ll be mightily tempted into changing his name, probably take something drastic and exciting to keep it the same, maybe even his death. I could only hope so at this point, the annoying bastard. 

“It’s pro bono, and not a chance. You just want to play the thing and we both know it.”

“Come on, I’ve got nothing else man, if I do a good job, well, you seem to get in over your head all the time... Maybe you could hire me on?” 

I sighed, that was true enough, most of his customers switched to dispensaries, life was unkind to the bottom dwelling drug dealers in legal states. 

“Fine, but I say jump, you-” “Ask you how high, I know, I know.” “I was going to say jump to the side immediately, but it might be funny if you don’t...”

“Okay, I’ll jump to a side, fine, whatever, now lets go.” 

I sighed, this was shaping up to be a long and hard case, and it hadn’t even started yet. 

Unlike most potential clients, this one wanted me to come to their place, not mine, it apparently was an emergency, the main reason I gave in so quick. Usually I’d turn it down flat, I didn’t trust crap like this, I had a few people I’ve pissed off, a few people in prison that’d love to get back at me... But I was broke, I’d been rejecting all cases, on a leave of absence, but things were getting thin and I had already decided to take the next case that came my way. In such a case, even inept backup was better than no backup.


	2. Shroomslapped Straight To The Pod

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another weird warehouse, is there anything more cliché?

I left my penis at home. Aside from not wanting Ronnie to see my dick, much less my dumbwaiter full of body parts, I had learned my lesson from last time. Is it bad, that I’ve started to see my penis as a bad luck charm? In any case, I’m not losing it again, remember kids, abstinence is the only 100% way to prevent pregnancy, that and blowjobs. The more you know.*

It would have been better and worse if I couldn’t still feel the detatched dick, on one hand, so much suffering would be prevented, on the other hand I might not have had the needed motivation to get it back whatever the costs, as well as implanting a GPS tracker in it. I was not losing my dick again if I could help it. 

I shook off my thoughts, we were here. 

Here being a shady looking warehouse. I glanced at Ronnie who seemed bouncing in his seat, I suppose for him this wasn’t cliché and screaming “Danger Will Robinson, Danger!” like it was to me. At least it wasn’t the same warehouse as last time, if it were I’d be long gone I’d say. 

Pulling up to the security podium the guard started his spiel as enthusiastic as a dead duck “Welcome to the temporary home of Pod-People Inc, where you too can be a pod person. Are you expected?” I blinked, well, that was... strange. I hope that name was temporary, I couldn’t imagine buying a Pod-People-Pod, too many p’s for starters. 

“Uh yes, Ron Chee and- “Ron Key, I’m his partner.” I sighed, “Yes, my assistant Ron Key- though we just call him Ronnie, a Ivana Shroomslap requested we come.”

The guard giggled to my confusion, but I shrugged it off as he let us through- no ID checks, no wonder they needed my help. 

“Heh, Hey, you wanna Shroomslap?” I sighed again, damnit Ronnie. 

***

Have you ever been on board an alien spaceship? Well, me neither, but the hundreds of pods full of people that were seemingly under suspended animation... Well, it rather felt like I’d been abducted. 

“Ron Chee?” I turned and sudden wanted to Shroomslap. Ivana was gorgious, 6‘2 with the build of a supermodel turned naughty librarian, hair up and horned glasses that I wanted to let down and toss off. I shook off my fantasies and shook the awaiting hand “Indeed Miss Shroomslap.”

She frowned “It’s Sullivan.” 

Oops. “Sorry about that, phone’s been on the fritz.” It hadn’t been, I had been trying to ignore Ronnie making funny faces at the time. 

“Very well, and you are?” She asked turning to Ronnie who was as obviously smitten as me. 

“Key, er, Ron Key, but you can call me whatever you want, I do all the hard lifting, my assistant here handles the phone calls, mail, that sort of thing.”

“Ow” My hand stung, hid head truly as hard as it seemed, but it was well worth it to see Ivana giggle. 

“So what’s the case?” I asked when she got under control and she suddenly looked angry.

“Right... well, we were beta testing the pods but something went wrong- not only are the beta testers here trapped, well... they’re sort of in hardcore mode.”

“Hardcore mode?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t too horrible. It was worse. 

“Well, if you die in the game... You die in real life.” She said with a straight face. 

“Really?” I looked about at the future casualties, no one plays a game for the first time and never dies, even the developers usually... 

“No, doesn’t that sound like a silly concept?” Yes it does, and if you’re reading this, please don’t sue us oh mighty creators of Sword Art Online. 

“No, but you do start over from the beginning- and... well, anything goes.”

“Anything?” I grimaced, I didn’t like where this was going. 

“Just about. More than them dying, we’re worried about them being trapped and playing too long... The hardcore mode is supposed to allow you to logout and leave an NPC playing you to keep continuity at any time if things get too intense for you- and with a 24 hour penalty if you are... in combat at the time. Obviously, that is currently impossible, our programmers are working on it but... Who knows how long it will take?”

“Well, sounds like this company’s going under, this is a publicity nightmare.” Ronnie said with a laugh. Another slap to the back of his head shut him up, even as he rubbed his head and glared at me Ivana carried on. 

“Yes, well, be that as it may, the CEO’s daughter is in one of those pods, and we need someone to protect her in the game-”

“I’ll do it!” Ron Key said decisively. 

I grimaced, but nodded my agreement, and started getting out a contract from my briefcase, I had no choice if I wanted to eat this month.


	3. Not again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lot of irons in the fire, too many to be truthful, but I haven't forgotten about this story and have no plans to even if updates may be slower.

“I don’t suppose you have some way of making us invincible or giving us some cheat codes, maybe some developer tools?” I asked hopefully. 

Ivana shook her head “The programmer’s pods are all filled, maybe if one had a heart attack or something of that sort... “

“Well, at least tell me you’ve got some way to get us out- you’ve fixed the bug on our machines right?”

“No, I’m afraid not- we won’t have that for ages, and before you ask, just turning off the game... well, there’s a chance they’ll all go into comas.”

Well, that’s a pleasant thought. “How will you reprogram it then?”

This time she lit up, obviously wanting to talk about it, her enthusasim seemed to make her even more attractive, but in all honestly it was rather dry- you wouldn’t want to hear me mangle her programing lingo- if you do, tough luck. “So you see, it’d be more like a soft reset.” 

Ron “Ronnie” key was nodding along like he had understood all of that, but me, I was lost, all I knew was updating wasn’t a problem, but why couldn’t they switch games wasn’t, so I asked. 

“Well... Honestly we only have the one game so far.” Ah, damn. 

***

After showing us a picture of the woman in question, and given directions to her last known location, we set off. 

“See you on the other side Ron” the annoying voice of my prat of a temporary partner was the last thing I heard, if barely, through the pod as a painful vibration seemingly split my head in two, and I was suddenly elsewhere. 

“Welcome new player, please state your player name.” A slightly robotic voice in a holographic rip off of Zordon said in an otherwise bare torch lined stone room. The holo woman was attractive if you like bald blue babes, but I thought it was just a weird ripoff- were they trying to get sued? They were doing a pretty good job if so. 

“Ron Chee” 

“Welcome, Raunchy, to the world of imagination, the world of freedom, the world of Dark Spire. Be reborn, for adventure awaits!” I snorted, this was some cheesy dialogue. 

Suddenly, I could feel again, and realized that the Zordon ripoff had been a loading screen of all the things as I suddenly found myself in church, masses of peasants screaming “Hail the giver of life, praise Zorasil!”

I could already tell I was going to hate getting reborn to that.

Getting up off the surprisingly comfortable stone pedestal, I felt... different. It was hard to identify but I shrugged it off, thinking that it was just the differences between feeling in real life to that of a P.P.P.- a Pod Person Pod, and under that assumption I kept walking getting away from the NPC cult- at least I hoped they were all NPCs. 

The white near sheer robe I was wearing didn’t help matters, and as I looked around for either my protection detail or my temporary partner, I frowned, no, just NPCs, nothing external I could tell, just... slightly repetitive movements and, well, the utter silence as they all sat back down waiting the next .... guest. 

Sadly I couldn’t just hang around the resurrection point waiting for them- starting locations were randomized and you were reborn in whatever temple you were closest to. 

At least Ivana had known Amanda Tress’s spawn point- and asking NPCs for directions generated canned laughter that wouldn’t be out of place in a sitcom, that and unhelpful advice like “Give it up, you’ll never make it there in a thousand years, the road is too dangerous for one as weak as you.” and such gems like “Traveling is man’s work, you should find yourself a nice husband to do that kind of thing for you.”

Seriously, why would you say things like that even if I was a woman?

***

The city was beautiful, white capped with gold, it seemed like a grand capital city of ancient times, bustling with life. The detail was amazing, and I couldn’t help but focus on the smallest of details for a few minutes, from seeing a flock of pigeons attacking a poor woman’s pastries to a sign for a pub, fading paint and a chip as one of the birds managed to fly into it. 

Eventually I got down to work. “Inventory, er, items? Menu. Exit. Logout.” I sighed, it seemed Ivana was correct, the only command in the game proper was Logout, and at the moment all it did was make the world around me go fuzzy. 

Hardcore mode meant no cheats like commands, nothing but your wits and your hard won skills. Shame I didn’t have many that’d be of use. On the bright side, the game had some hyper accelerated body building and skill making- you could do anything and you’d get better at it no matter what as long as you kept doing it and survived, sure you’d lose any progress you made if you were reborn but supposedly it’d be much easier regaining what you’ve lost than the first time, which was something.

Of course all that would have been easier if the game hadn’t decided I was a woman. 

It’s not funny, stop laughing. 

Just because I left my penis at home and put on a few pounds the game decided that I was a woman, and what I assumed were random rolls had made me more attractive woman than I had any right to be. Just what I wanted, a natural 20 in charisma, no penis to take advantage of it.


End file.
